So this is an ex script of my book i was thinking of cutting out the whole swim team thing and i need our help what do you think? Any way enjoy the ex script and please please comment on room for improvement

Thanks


Chapter 4-A Tragic Encounter


None of Johns swim team knew he would become a legend but of course he and his coach knew he would, each and everyday John would get gradually faster and faster at his swim times. Every day he would get more used to his gills and so far no one has seen them, although there have been many close encounters not only with his gills but with his webbed hands and feet too, many swimmers have sworn the saw his feet and gills but every time he comes out of the water it appears he does not.
"Blimey!" said Johns coach in amazement. "What is it?" John had said after finishing a set of eight fifty's. "John Calming you have just won yourself an Australian Record!" John shot out of the water with a big cheer, but not realizing he had his gift, his coach questioned the very strange scars that appeared under Johns lower jaw bone.
"Why John what's that right there are, are you hurt!" said his couch staring at his gills. "No, no coach it's nothing really its not, don't worry about it. Now what's me next set?" said john trying to hide his gills. "Well lets see hear, you finished the five one hundreds right?" "Yes I did a long time ago" John said "OK and the eight fifty's, right?" "Yes sir!" John said again. "Well then it looks like you done for the day!" "Sweet thanks coach I will see you next week" said John as he was getting out of the pool. "John! Um well let me know if well you know" Johns coach was pointing under his jaw bone. "Well if you know, those get worse"
John looked at him with a questioned look on his face, while thinking "what if he knows!" and "what if I get kicked off of the swim team! I have to go tell ma!" John raced home as fast as he could, but little did he know... he would be walking into something that would change his life drastically forever.
John walked into his house shouting "Ma, Ma are you home?" but then he realized he wasn't the only one shouting in the house. He herd yells and crashes echoing though out the living room. But then he found it was coming out of his parent's room. He ran frantically down the long hallway not knowing what he would witness next, he slowly turned his head into the doorway. Just then he saw his mother's body slam to the ground and saw his father standing over her.
In rage and despair John jumped on his father and started punching and screaming at him. "YOU, YOU DID THIS TO HER! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" John's Father knocked him off of him and walked out of the house leaving John on the floor, crying next to his mother who was badly injured laying there.